A Life Out-of-Balance

When I heard that Michael Jackson died Thursday - while I was en route to the Cincinnati Opera with my sister - I knew a great was gone and that even though I (we) have all his songs, his videos, the photographs, the documentaries and news reels, that I would not be handling this very well. I also knew the tarnish on his life story over that ridiculous child molestation stuff would not give him the full farewell he deserves. Michael Jackson was bigger than Elvis was, though their lives somewhat mirrored each other - perhaps more in the way their lives ended more than the types of lives outside of fame and fortune they each lead.
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I have been a Michael Jackson fan since I was eight years old and stayed up late to watch him perform on what I'm sure was the Grammy Awards [1988?]. The rest of the house had gone to bed and I begged my mother to let me stay up to watch him. When he performed I was gobsmacked awe-struck star-struck. Part his music and part his character I immediately began to relate to him. As I grew older, becoming a practical recluse as a teenager as my creativity skyrocketed (I sold a screenplay to a major publishing company at 15 - whooa! who knew!) and as the beatings at school began to become a daily thing Michael Jackson became an idol that I never admitted I had. His 1995 song "Scream" mirrored my anger. His revolt, the fairytale life, his love by the world over. It was that that saves little gay boys living in an angry Baptist family in a small town in the midwest where Michael came from.
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On a blog I read how someone mentioned that he wasn't a "freak" but more like a person with a "life out-of-balance." I love that term. I've always said the universe balances itself out so when something isn't able to be part of that balance - when it has to be not of this world - we know it can't last here long and in Michael Jackson's case - in the time of the world past present and future - fifty years is not a long time. Jackson, Presley - they were unworldly great - here surely by accident of confused cosmos. Out-of-balance, they are gone because they simply cannot be here. Sometimes people really are bigger than this world.
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When I thought about it later that night, about his death - I said to myself "Half of the world loved him and the other half knew who he was."
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I'm not really sure what I'm saying here. Perhaps I should just say what I know.... that I've lost a hero and so has the whole world. Elizabeth Taylor tweeted it perfectly "I feel so empty now."

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